Overwhelmed

So, it's been a long while since I've blogged. My life is so busy and crazy sometimes that I forget to pee and remember hours later. Yeah. That actually happened yesterday.
Something about the holidays is getting my emotions all stirred up. I feel like I'm constantly in panic mode lately. I could cry at the drop of a hat. When I get like this, two things happen: I get overwhelmed and become paralyzed and I start to dwell on the negative. Today I am feeling the reality that eddie is now two and still not bearing any weight on his legs. Eddie has to have therapies several times a week, and the scheduling of those therapies alone can send me into a tailspin, leaving me curled in a ball in my bed. With that thought comes immense guilt. The mommy guilt times a million. I just do not do enough for him. I should be on the floor with him, helping him, pushing him. Instead I am stuck in the mindset that he will do it when he's ready. Sure, that's partly true, but the reality is that he needs me. He needs to be constantly challenged and assisted in order to become strong enough to withstand his own weight. There are days, like today, where I feel like an awful mother. I think everyone thinks of me as this perfect mom because I am always posting about his accomplishments. The truth is, I may be a great mom, but I am far from perfect. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Maybe I'm not being hard enough. I need to suck up this feeling and kick my ass into gear again. Since our vacation to NY I have been stalled. Not only with Eddie, but my own fitness is being effected as well. I have lost the drive I had just a month ago. I keep saying I will start over in the new year. It's just an excuse to put off my own health and fitness. I just wish I knew what it is going to take to snap me out of this rut. Maybe putting it out into the world will do it. I could go on for days about all the other things taking up space in my mind and heart, but I'll leave it at that for now. Anyway. Say a little prayer for me, please.