My Boys

It's December.  No, my calendar must be wrong.  It can't be December.  I have a lump in my throat just thinking about it.  Actually, the lump seems to be a permanent resident these days.  Between getting things ready for Dominick's birthday party and Christmas, I just can't deny it any more.  It WILL happen.  My sweet, little, itty bitty baby will be 1.  :^(  I was going through my pictures earlier, trying to put together a small collage of Dominick's first 12 months to display at his party ( I have extra scrapbooking paper that I'd hate to see go to waste).  I was under the impression that I had at least a billion pictures of him.  I was wrong, I don't have enough!! Flipping through pictures of his first few months I just kept saying to myself..."No, wait, there has to be more!"  At the time I felt like I was taking about one picture a minute, now it seems like there will never be too many!  I want to go back in time and relive the moments that went all too fast.  I want to hold my little 3 week old in my arms again and kiss his tiny face.  It just goes by too fast.  This isn't understood until you become a Mama.  I never believed it.  When I would see my friend's son, I'd say, "oh, he still isn't talking/walking...", it seemed like it took forever for him.  But, he wasn't my son.  Being a Mama, I now realize that you never want them to grow up, you want to hold them in your arms forever.  Then there's the other side of that coin, the side that is in utter awe of the person he is becoming.  I am amazed every day by the new things he does.  He is a little ham and I get excited literally every morning wondering what new think he will do that day.  Too bad we can't have it both ways, somehow.

::Gulp::Sigh::Wiping tears from my eye::

In other news, Reggie had another seizure today.  His first was only 2 weeks ago and I was hoping with all my heart that it was a fluke thing, never to happen again.  I am now living in constant fear that it will happen again.  I really cannot relax, at all. I am constantly looking at him, making sure he is breathing, listening for any strange noises.  There goes that lump in my throat again.  I cannot stop my brain from going to the worst scenario; that this is the end.  This will somehow lead up to me having to say goodbye to my puppy.  Maybe that is just a side effect of losing nearly every person in my family, including my precious kitty, Ani.  Still, you'd think after having lost so much I'd be better prepared.  Nope.  I have to call the vet tomorrow and fill him in on his recent episode, but what more can he do? He's taken all the blood tests already and we can't afford to send him to the Veterinarian Nuerological Center.  I guess just wait until I talk to my doctor before I start going down this path.  For now, I will take my puppy upstairs, as I do every night, kiss his nose, tuck him in and pray for the best. 

Wish me luck, I'll need it.